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A Proper Obituary For My Father

Started by Karoli · 9 months ago

This is for my dad, Robert Ronald Hayes…born January 28, 1932, died August 16, 2008

The obituary in the paper is one line long and inaccurate. It reads:
Robert Ronald Hayes, 78, a probation officer, of Las Vegas, died Aug. 16, 2008. He is survived by his son, Patrick McSweeney of Las Vegas. No services scheduled.

The [...] ... Continue reading »

15 comments

  • bbluesman

    9 months ago

    My condolences for your loss.
    reply
  • Karoli

    9 months ago

    Thank you. It is at least one I was prepared for, though I confess to not being prepared for the way I was informed. But that's a topic for a different post. :)
    reply
  • bbluesman

    9 months ago

    All part of the process. Be thankful for what you can and let go of the rest
    as much as possible/when possible. Your most welcome.
    reply
  • finnigh

    9 months ago

    All people should hope to end up with such a respectful and complete obituary as the one you have written, Karoli.
    My condolences to you and your family.
    reply
  • WebPixie

    9 months ago

    Prayers for your dad, Karoli, of thanks for the gifts he left to us, we who are still living on this earth.
    reply
  • kmilyun

    9 months ago

    My condolences to you and yours.
    reply
  • Meryl Steinberg (Meryl333)

    9 months ago

    Beautiful tribute to your father. We all have mixed feelings about our parents. Someone told me about my dad "He's doing the best he can, he would do better if we could". Sounded ridiculous to me, but when I thought of it, it made sense. At any moment, we are doing the best we can--- and hopefully will do better. When I leave this body (and even now) I hope others will be able to focus on my talents, gifts, goodness--- and good times. Like you just did for your dad. My condolences.
    reply
  • blestcrone

    9 months ago

    Your obituary for your father brought tears to my eyes. I recognized in it the same journey of forgiveness I experienced, making peace with the life and death of my own estranged father. God bless you and thank you for sharing this glimpse of your heart.
    reply
  • Marie_Carnes

    9 months ago

    Your tribute to your dad is very touching. I imagine he, too, would be touched. And perhaps, relieved that despite your years apart, and the events that tore the two of you apart, that you still remember the good times. And that you saw something in him that he may not have seen, himself. Karoli, I'm so sorry.
    reply
  • Karoli

    9 months ago

    All,

    Thank you so much for your kind comments, notes on Twitter, and private messages. I would like to believe that after all of us leave this world, someone will document the good we did, no matter how small or large. This was my attempt to do that. I'm touched that it sparked you to take the time to leave a comment.

    Many hugs to all of you. :)
    reply
  • Mark Schulz

    9 months ago

    thanks for sharing this beautifully written tribute. I read it out loud to my wife and struggled at the end to get through it. There are a few similarities in your story with your dad and her's' with her father, the big difference being that she was able to reconcile with her dad just before he passed about 10 years ago. Even after a decade, it's amazing how raw the feelings can be about this kind of stuff. We wrote a tribute for him at the time (in part, to set the confused and very negatively spun record straight) and it really helped. We still go back and read it (with the kids) every now then. Take care.
    reply
  • Shelagh

    9 months ago

    A beautifully written tribute . I hope your father can somehow know what you have said about and for him . Thank you .
    reply
  • editormom

    9 months ago

    I missed this post when you made it, Karoli, or else I would've said something sooner.

    It is very hard when our parent wasn't what we needed or what a parent should be. But you have become a wonderful parent yourself, and in that, there is much good. May your father rest easy now and may your heart be enfolded in love from your family.
    reply
  • Karoli

    9 months ago

    Katharine,

    Thank you for your kind words. :) Fortunately I was lucky enough to have a
    great role model in my mom, which was helpful when it came to parenting. :)
    reply
  • Ginger

    9 months ago

    What a lovely tribute, and it deserves to be read as it needed to be written. I'd like to believe that now he does know all the things you think he didn't. May he rest inpeace
    reply

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